Beer and Pornography

Best driveoir ever

2009-04-11T17:56:00.000-07:00

So there I am driving home from work the other night, doing the usual, speeding but only a little. When another car crests the hill in front of me and starts flashing his lights at me

"speed trap ahead!"

gotcha.

But then the car gets to being alongside me, and what do I see? Its a Frakkin squad car! so i slow down a bit and ten seconds later I roll past a speed trap. thats right, a cop warned me about a speedtrap.

awesome.

Its that kind of bullshitless policework that could refine our resource stretched gardi into a shining beacon of national pride.

Business Education

2008-12-18T10:48:00.000-08:00

If anyone that blunders their way onto here plays the flawed masterpiece that is druglord 2.2 then you should sympathise with the end day drugs on hand that I could not shift, shipping really boned me in the end run that time. further, i had 4 more shipments that delayed, which contained my coke and heroin amongst some other random stuff

anyway, it seems from a googling that there are many players of this game and many of those have gotten some extreemly high scores. even without cheating! But no one is sharing any strategy. its a great waste of 20 minutes and deserves a little internet community spirit

so If anyone has a solid strategy, please feel free to outline it in the comments.

current strategy for me is is to get a day one rumour of something being scarce tomorrow, either in austin or somewhere else. then its borrow all the money from all the loansharks, exploit day one deal and have between 100-200k by day two.

then its a bit of financial scuffling between paris and either beijing or moscow until druglord status.

this is where shipping becomes the greatest tool you have. Once you are financially stable, circa 100 mil, you should stop using the vault altogether and begin shipping everything you have or want between your chosen cities. this avoids the painful situation of having 50k units of heroin in the vault and seeing heroin peak at $150'000, knowing you cant even get half the product out of the vault.

The key really is in the shipping between cities. the 50 day time limit makes sitting around waiting for a good deal a poor strategy.

Urban Safari

2008-12-06T18:43:00.000-08:00

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=cougar for those not in the know

so myself and the other two sexiest young men in the great continent of Ireland went for a polite drink and a discussion of fine cinema and literature when we unexpectedly found ourselves stalked by natures third least graceful predator, the cougar.

attacking without warning by sitting down on a chair next to me and going straight for steves thigh this "majestic beast" proceeded to inform us how sexy we were and demanding a round of hand kisses. With characteristic cat like acceleration the cat monikered 42 year old tries to snatch an attempted kiss from this intrepid blogger.

having had my lips brushed, this cunning predator pulled me into the nape of her neck. The second most dangerous position to find yourself in. Remembering my training with all the head leveling i can manage, I make the warning cry of the cougars only natural predator (no not the menapause) teh scary internet face: repeating OMNOMNOMNOM while oscillating my head until being released.

having scarely escaped with our senses of humour intact it becomes time to discuss the fact that this random encounter lady has drank half of steves pint. comedy gold of course.

this however segues us to a serious matter;

seeing as how the healthy immune system of an adult homo sapiens may have by now won its battle with cooties.. I wish to here and now coin the term cougies. which steve has because he finished his pint.

old cougie steve we should call him.

Loader?! I barely know her!!

2008-11-08T08:39:00.000-08:00

many thanks to everyone who cheered for myself and the xenomorph. id buy ye all drinks with the prize money but i hate ye and I spent it on flights instead.

and if any of the randomer girls I insulted read this; I regret nothing, go watch some movies.

Great? or Greatest?

BFFs

My reccomendation most firm

2008-10-13T13:45:00.000-07:00

Are you lacking originality this Halloween?

Well fuck yourself.

aaah my spleen

2008-09-26T11:01:00.000-07:00

I named 24 organs in 4 minutes!

so what can You Got?!? Ladies!

so long and thanks for all the fish google!

2008-09-14T19:13:00.000-07:00

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=siege%20engineering&start=10&sa=N

so it turns out that if you type siege engineering into google, my blorg appears. in fact ive hit the second page of results. page one here i come.
having a page about siege engineering on a page about beer and pornography is apparently an eye cathcher.

funnily enough none of pornography related tags have gotten me a single hit.. meh, I probably just need the ponographic equivilant of a googlewhack. that can be too hard to find. its not like people put any time or money into niche pornography right?

In other news, I should probably stop looking at my statistics so much,

Domain Name

eircom.net ^? (Network)

IP Address

213.94.237.# (Eircom)

ISP

Eircom

Location

Continent	:	Europe
Country	:	Ireland (Facts)
State/Region	:	Cork
City	:	Cork
Lat/Long	:	51.8986, -8.4958 (Map)

Language

English (U.K.)
en-gb

Operating System

Microsoft WinXP

Browser

Firefox
Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 5.1; en-GB; rv:1.9.0.1) Gecko/2008070208 Firefox/3.0.1

Javascript

version 1.5

Monitor

Resolution	:	1024 x 768
Color Depth	:	32 bits

Time of Visit

Sep 15 2008 3:13:52 am

Last Page View

Sep 15 2008 3:13:52 am

Visit Length

0 seconds

Page Views

Referring URL

http://blagernet.blogspot.com/

Visit Entry Page

http://beerandpornography.blogspot.com/

it goes on like that... its almost voyeuristic in its own boring way..

next week:

homemade robots that are better than nialls homemade robots
pictures of the worst halloween costume yet (best)
A continuing lack of porographical material á la blggers terms.

Delicious kung po Nuala

2008-08-19T07:47:00.001-07:00

In an unusual not to mention unpopular decision, Nuala has been voted self centered master of the Nuala centric Nualaverse.

I for one take this oppertunity to welcome our new Nuala like overlords and request less badgering untill Nuala actually does something hilarious or important and provides photographic evidence.

posts are pants with just text.

sincerely,

NUALA

the word nuala no longer makes sense inside my head, like saying bread 130 times.

toy de jour

2008-08-07T18:18:00.000-07:00

Playing with toy de jour clearly went about as well as this. more testing to come.. to come I say!

joyful siege engineering

2008-08-04T15:12:00.000-07:00

so yeah.. the picture sums up most of the amusement.

lessons learned include:

kids ~ pants
stored kinetic > potential
sieges wouldda been better with nerf ammunition.

Animal Attacks: would I survive?

2008-06-12T11:17:00.000-07:00

Brought To You By Sex Stores

apparently i usually would.

A nice jaunt to the Pictures.

2008-06-04T18:04:00.000-07:00

My LHC-idiot chase is on hold.

INTER-FRIGGIN-DIMENSIONAL ALIENS

Im going to go find that guy and slug him. inter fucking dimensional aliens.. terrible.

And the warehouse scene.. So first it tells you that the mysterious warehouse that they hid the ark in was area fooking 51. Bad enough. then the box with the ark in it accidentally falls off a shelf and you get a glaringly open look at it. You know, just in case you were too dumb to put two and four together. Then we learn that Dr Jones was the one to recover the alien crash in roswell... but of course in between those events he survives the trinity test by hiding in a refrigerator. And basically the dumb decisions get bigger and dumber all the way up interdimensional aliens.. Fuck you George Lucas. good show from ILM though.

Much ado about nothing to do

2008-05-28T15:28:00.000-07:00

with the impending finish of exams and likely college life with them, ive got a little free time until i get off my ass and try harder to find a real job.

But in the meantime im pretty focused on making some crazy pieces of crap that will likely kill me but be fun to build in the interim periods between now and drowned. I say drowned of course cause im pretty dead set on making some scuba gear, i mean, if i didnt do that then those flippers i bought will not be an expense I cant justify. and thats not the kind of regret i want to carry around my neck like a dead vulture.

'oh if only i hadnt bought those flippers.'

'woe is the use of my petty cash.'

im willing to accept submissions in the form of invention/fabrication ideas, or collections of odd scrap that i might cut up to strange purpose. also if anyone else likes grinders, appear with a half baked plan and we can take it from there.

Thank you stumble

2008-05-08T09:46:00.000-07:00

having hit stumble instead of Back, i figured id better read it..

poor fucker.

As I sit here behind this laptop, I now realize that this definitely wasn’t the brightest idea I have ever had. I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.

The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up — 3 of them. I picked out.. ..a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder, and threw.. ..my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me, but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope situation.

I took a step towards it…took a step away. I put a little tension on the rope and then received an education.

The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred to action when you start pulling on that rope.

That deer EXPLODED.

The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I could fight down with a rope and with some dignity.

A deer– no chance.

That thing ran and bucked and twisted and pulled. There was no controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had originally imagined.

The only upside is that they do not have as much stamina as many other animals.

A brief 10 minutes later, it was tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since I was mostly blinded by the blood flowing out of the big gash in my head. At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to get that devil creature
off the end of that rope.

I figured if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.

At the time, there was no love at all between me and that deer. At that moment, I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the feeling was mutual.

Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had cleverly arrested the deer’s momentum by bracing my head against various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in, so I didn’t want the deer to have it suffer a slow death, so I managed to get it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had set before hand…kind of like a squeeze chute.

I got it to back in there and I started moving up so I could get my rope back.

Did you know that deer bite? They do! I never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head –almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts.

The proper thing to do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it was likely only several seconds.

I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim by now) tricked it.

While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose. That was when I got my final lesson in deer behavior for the day.

Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their back feet and strike right about head and shoulder level, and their hooves are surprisingly sharp.

I learned a long time ago that, when an animal — like a horse — strikes at you with their hooves and you can’t get away easily, the best thing to do is try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can escape.

This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously, such trickery would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different strategy.

I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit you in the back of the head.

Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and covering your head.

I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer went away.

So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a scope so that they can be somewhat equal to the prey.

The media equivilant of a cool breeze on your face. One that soothes headaches

2008-05-05T14:12:00.000-07:00

Imagining The 10th dimension

See more like this on kontraband.com

this should pretty much be viewed by anyone who thinks that nihilism is the most sensible choice. Or anyone who likes ice-cream.

In other news im tits bored of studying and STILL cant remember the formulae for springs, composite springs or rotating discs. mechanics of materials in general, in fact. anyone whom enjoys that sort of nonsense should contact me immediately for offers of sitting my exam in place of me.

im willing to sit art history(17-1900), french oral or business environment exams as compensation.

Rhinovirus=7200bp V.S. Mark = 74kg WHO YA GOT?!?!

2008-04-25T03:10:00.001-07:00

Not me im sorry to say. This climate is skullfucking my sinuses, throat, stomach skull

PLACATE ME YOU SONS OF BITCHES!

im putting the LHC fighting on hold. this fucker is now square in my sights

Vanilla Ice should find his wormy way into every song

2008-04-19T11:53:00.000-07:00

Seriously, if damien rice had a sense of humour he mightnt suck so bad.

In other news, what happened to learning maths that didnt utilise calculus? stats==calculus, probability==calculus, need to know how thick a pipe is? calculus

jesus, adding up my bar tab==calculus.

when did integration take over my life? I dont even like maths.

Sleeptastic mc why'm'I awake?

2008-04-14T18:03:00.000-07:00

aeraah ya know like it just happens that you go home flahed off yer nuts and then just stay up not being in bed even though you have to get up in 4.5 hours and sit a maths test. its one of them kinda nights.

god i suck at being sensible.

in other news, the whiskey bar... pretty good, cheap pints (€3 ish) and a solid 7.5 ranking on the bisquit scale.

The crap and the 'crapfan'

2008-04-09T09:34:00.000-07:00

So apparently our piece of crap is being entered into the national engineering awards. which is a problem.
cause its crap. About one piece thereof

If someone with any sense looks at our reports and project, they will know how much we;
A: didnt follow our own drawings AT ALL.
and
B: made up the maths as we went.

In local weather, eoin is back from scotland today and will be proceeding to the pintery.

Cork city, youre still small.

p.s. ive edited the title and retroactivly renamed the vawt a crapfan.

Mexhibition

2008-04-04T11:18:00.000-07:00

turns out i hate my own invention. 8 hours i had to stand and talk to idiots asking the same dumb questions and genii asking really had questions.

also i had two offers to buy it and one other guy at least gave fair warning he intended to sneak in last night with a trailer and steal it because he "can put it to better use than the college"

in case he wasnt lying, before i left i actually unbolted some bits i wanted to keep..

anyways, exhibitions.. crap.

**edit**

enjoy your sideways photo losers, damned if i intend to change it just for ye ungreatful bollixes

Ive Figured THE Solution

2008-03-29T20:17:00.000-07:00

Its Trans by neil young.

http://rapidshare.com/files/37665218/computerage.rar
but you should still go buy the cd. best album? pretty much.

its vocoder tastic, how could anyone hate neil young being an electronika head?

of course filled with deep messages and homages to his sick child and whatnot.. but really, its just class.

-love it-

Seriously. Right Now.

The joe Weekend- self explanitory

2008-03-22T18:46:00.000-07:00

seriously, im pretty sure that im going to be the one thats dead here in a minute. there is no way to survive a joe house weekend. that shit is decadent. im lucky to have have escaped with only 2 broken fingers and a painful digestive tract.

everyone should have a joe. its unreal.

oh and happy birthday me.

2008-03-19T06:20:00.000-07:00

ill html skylz

I think I need a drink.

2008-03-18T18:00:00.000-07:00

If I can be so bold as to copy and paste from my gmail chat:
(leigh= girlfriend
meglett=good friend)

me: holy fuck---"leigh: i forgot to tell you i got an x ray last week. cus i have a spot on my lung"

how does something like that SLIP YOUR FUCKING MIND!?!?!

meglet116: holy shit

wha

does she smoke?

me: apparently it looks ok but they are going running tests

meglet116: thats good.
meglet116: i forgot to tell you i have an ultrasound next week cause i have a lump in my breast.

me: if thats a joke its not funny

me: well?

meglet116: its not a joke.

its next tuesday i think.

how is that a fair conversation? and where has all my whiskey gone

boo urns.

Taking victory when its going

2008-03-11T16:59:00.000-07:00

so i came home today to this short conversation
me:uuh dad, why did you buy an electric golf cart?
dad: i didnt. YOURE going to fix it for someone
me: well... i guess i could take a swing at it!

Get off my nuts, I thought it was pretty funny.

On a more serious note;
Never build your own wind turbine, im so sick of it... as to be only believed by forigners who are here stealing my jobs and my women.

speaking of that, why does beyonce sing 'to the left to the left'?

.....hehe

One For you snes lovers

2008-02-24T12:56:00.000-08:00

http://rapidshare.com/files/94627013/SNES.rar.html

zsnes and a bucketload of games

enjoy

Its the lies associated with a night in

2008-02-24T11:04:00.000-08:00

beer and pornography.